God I get it!

God I get it, I’m a mess and I admit it, I keep learning the same lessons while I’m missing out on blessings – K. Michelle

K. Michelle had a profound impact on me when I heard these lyrics. I came across this song while looking for music to listen to to get inspired. It came across my playlist at precisely the right time. It came on when I was trying to rebound from a difficult time that I was having. I found myself in a familiar position where I was making the same mistakes repeatedly. I am a very proud student of life. I think that life teaches us all valuable lessons that keep us from making the same mistakes over and over again. I mastered many of these lessons the first time they were tested. However, this one specific life lesson I can never seem to master. I have been trying to learn this life lesson for three years. This lesson causes me hurt and pain, which lingers for a while, but I never seem to learn. This life lesson leaves me feeling inadequate, devalued, and low self-esteem.  These feelings are the opposite of who I am and what I stand for. I am a person who is determined, strong, and self-dependent. I have never believed in being weak and questioning my self-worth; but this life lesson leaves me with all these feelings and thoughts.

The lyrics above helped me to realize that I am wasting precious time. While I am distraught over things that, in the grand scheme, don’t matter, I am missing out on the blessings that God has for me. I am busy learning the same lessons I should have learned three years ago. While hurt and in pain, I miss out on all the beauty God has placed in my life. I am not focused on the positive aspects of life, and I drown myself in negativity.  The sad part about this is that in about six months, I won’t be able to remember what happened, why it happened, and who caused it to happen; this will happen not because of amnesia; but because I will have simply moved on from the situation. I will not remember what happened and who may have caused it to happen. It sounds crazy when I think about what I am doing to myself. I am worried and in pain about situations that are not in my control; meanwhile, I am missing out on the things God could be blessing me with.

The easy solution to the problem is to learn the lesson and move on. However, this can be very hard. I think about my own academic success. There are some subjects that I thrive in, and I can learn these lessons once, and they are stuck with me for life; then, there are a few academic lessons, like math, that I try and try to learn, but it seems to never click. This is similar to life. Some life lessons I only need to be taught once, and they stay with me forever; then there are some that, no matter how hard I try to learn, never seem to stick. When it comes to academic learning, I never give up. I study, work hard, and, most importantly, pray about it. I learned that I can apply these same skills to life’s lessons. I should never give up on trying to learn the lesson, and I should not be comfortable in my ignorance. It is ok if I make the same mistake over, as long as I don’t give up trying to correct it or grow comfortable with making the mistake. Secondly, I can study myself; find out why I keep repeating the same mistake. Third, I can continue to work on the lesson. This means loving me and wanting better for me. Lastly, I can continue to pray and ask God for his guidance and unconditional love.  I am still in the process of recovering from my latest failure on the test, but it has only given me the motivation that I needed to correct the issue.