Anyone who knows me knows that I stress about everything. I don’t mean to get stressed; it usually just happens. I often find myself in a spiral. I stress, then worry, then frustration sets in, then panic, and then stress again. Often, I find myself praying about these worries. At the time, it seems that the things I worry about will destroy me. It always seems that my life will end, but it won’t. In reality, those worries are just that —worries. They have no long-term impact on my life. The sad part about all of this is, I spend so much time stressing and praying about it, and in a few months, I forget about it.
In late October, I was going through a very difficult time in life. I found it hard to get out of bed in the morning, and I didn’t feel like being social. I was highly stressed out about everything that was going on around me. This experience was even more difficult because I had no one to talk to. All of my friends around me were experiencing their own rough patch. The stress started to consume my life. I found myself praying all day. I say issue, not too mysterious, but because I don’t remember what happened.
You may be reading this and thinking that I am crazy. You may be wondering why I can’t remember what happened. I cannot answer that question. I don’t remember the exact issue, but I remember how I felt. I remember those days of uneasiness, inadequateness, loneliness, and brokenness. I remember praying like I never prayed before, asking God to deliver me from my current state. It is crazy that I went through that situation, and I cannot remember what happened. As stated earlier, I remember the feeling but not the event. I cannot comprehend what caused me to react in this manner. Though I can’t remember, something must be said about my amnesia. It means those issues were not as enormous as I thought. I overacted over issues that did not matter five months later.
When I thought about my overreaction, I recognized that the small pieces (of life) don’t ruin the big picture. I do not remember what happened because it was so small. It was not a life-or-death situation (I am still here — obviously); it was minor stuff I can’t remember now. It amazes me that I was so distraught over matters that will not change my overall life trajectory. These issues do not hinder me from having a healthy and quality life. In fact, they were first-world problems. Problems that only people who live in the first world are privileged enough to have. I did not have to worry about basic necessities, so I was fortunate to be able to worry about the minute, even though it didn’t seem that way at the time.
Until next time:
Let God’s light shine within you and through!
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