Seeing the many beautiful engagements and unions formed over the last few months has been excellent. As the cliché goes, “Love is in the air.” Love is truly beautiful, and to see black love thriving is indescribable. It is fantastic to see people in love and loving love. It made me think about my relationship status; and what it means to be in love. I am a single individual, and I am not looking for love. However, though I am not currently looking, I should be preparing myself to one day find love. I believe that no one can succeed at anything in life if they are not prepared for it, so I have been working extremely hard on myself to ensure I am prepared for love one day. I want to share some things I learned while on this journey.
First, I learned that it is ok to be selfish. Anyone who knows me knows that I am incredibly selfish. I look out for myself first, and then I think of others. Often, people tell me that I will never find anyone who will deal with my selfishness. I decided to work on being less selfish; during this process, I discovered it was the most senseless piece of advice ever. If I am not caring for myself first, how could I possibly care for someone else? I have to make sure that I am taken care of before, while in, and after the relationship is over. This means being selfish sometimes and taking care of myself. Notice, I said —sometimes — being selfish. This means being able to take time for myself to make sure that I am being taken care of.
Second, I gathered that I have to love myself first. Many people invest 50% of themselves into relationships while their significant other invests less than 50% when looking for a complete 50%. They then leave the relationship with a negative return on their investment. This happens because they put 50% of themselves into the relationship and did not love themselves 150%. There was no typo; individuals should love themselves 150%, so they will always be complete, even if they lose some of themselves. Too often, people look for love, hoping they will find someone to complete them. They failed themselves before entering into the relationship. When you go into a relationship, you should go into the relationship already a complete person. Individuals should not think that a companion will complete them on any level. A companion should add to your overall quality of life. If I am a complete person, I love myself 150%, give the relationship 50%, and still have 100%—I am still complete. If my significant other gives the relationship 50%, and they love themselves 150%, all three parties have 100%, and we are all complete. Both parties must be complete so their relationship is complete.
Third, I learned to never compromise. Many of you read that sentence and think I am crazy. I am not. I understand that compromise is essential in a relationship, and so do I. I mean, you should never compromise before you get into a relationship. With anything in life, people will tell you to lower your standards and compromise yourself. They will tell you that your standards are too high and you will never be able to find them. Since they compromised, they want you to do the same. Do not listen to them; it is better to wait to get what you want instead of getting it and then not liking it. Think about a not-so-serious example. If you order chicken at a restaurant, you want steak because the chicken is cheaper. The chicken may be the best you have ever eaten, but it is not what you wanted or felt you needed; you will not enjoy it to the fullest. This is the same thing in a relationship. If an individual meets some of your standards but not all of them and chooses them because it is more convenient, you will not enjoy being with them to the fullest. This is not fair to either party. So know what you want, and stick to it.
In closing, there may be those who disagree with the things I’ve learned. There will be those who say I will never find anyone at all. This may or may not be accurate; however, if love does not come my way, I will be just okay with that. I understand who I am: I take care of myself, love myself, and know my self-worth, and if there is no one out there who agrees with me, and does not deem me worthy of being loved, then I am ok with that. Will it be difficult? Yes!
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