I remember the day very well. It happened slightly over a year ago; I lived as I always have. However, something was different; I felt I was suffocating because my life had become monotonous. I had the same routine and way of life. This became a very miserable feeling. I did not know what to do until I recognized the problem in the mirror. I looked in the mirror and saw myself looking back at me. I simply uttered four words,” You don’t love yourself.”
Anyone who knows me knows I “love myself “, and I am incredibly selfish. I work very hard to ensure that all my needs and wants are supplied, and I never let anyone walk over or disrespect me. I am always looking out for my best interest. However, I was confused about being content with love. Love for me is not the motivation behind my actions; it was because I had grown comfortable living, and I wanted it to stay that way. I wasn’t truly living life but existing; this is when I realized I didn’t love myself.
Though I believed I loved myself, I realized that I didn’t. Love doesn’t mean being afraid of the world around you and afraid to fail. Love doesn’t mean I refuse to do things because I fear rejection. This was not love at all – in fact, it was hate. I hated myself. I wanted to be comfortable and complacent with myself. Meanwhile, I was dying inside. I realized that sometimes you have to break from your regular routine and try new things; this is when you truly begin to live and love yourself.
Since that day, I strive to live out of my comfort zone every day, and I pray to God that he continues to give me the strength to do this. Living out of your comfort zone can mean sitting in a new place, taking another route home, or changing what you eat. It can also be significant changes, like changing your attitude or where you live. Whether it is a miniature or significant change, it is still – a change that equals growth.
Over the last year, I have changed and grown. Every day has not always been easy; there are some days when it is outright brutal. These are the days when I don’t feel I need to change, and I don’t. Sometimes I still get that pit in the bottom of my stomach when I feel my life is monotonous and suffocating. I remind myself, “just as a flower needs water to grow, I need change, and if I am not growing, I’m not loving myself.”
Until next time:
Let God’s light shine within you and through you!
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