Friends tend to come to me for advice on various issues. I never understood why; however, I strive to give the best advice possible. Two days ago, I found myself in a challenging situation. My friend wanted to know why relationships did not work out for her. As many of you know, I am challenged in this department.
The last six months have been a roller coaster ride for me, and looking to date and find friendship has been the last thing on my mind. I pondered on the question, and finally, I gave the perfect answer. It was only two words, but they were the most powerful and profound words I have ever spoken:
YOU MATTER!
Maybe this answer came from me watching too much Iyanla: Fix My Life, or maybe it came from a place of encouragement that I needed more than she did. Whatever the case, I spoke it and found my own healing.
I have always been someone who understood, incredibly, my worth and value. I have never had a problem with self-confidence or self-esteem. Again, I understand my worth and value. So when people tell me that I should compromise and lower my standards. I tend to view this as lowering my worth and value.
Let’s be clear! I have standards for friendships as well as relationships. I have no time for people who don’t want to better themselves or bring negativity into my zone of solitude and self-acceptance. I have been struggling with these standards, specifically regarding friendship. I have been trying to expand my circle of friends to be more adventurous and for the sake of trying new things. However, I take this process very seriously. Sometimes people say that I am too picky or too mean. I constantly asked myself: am I too mean? Do I seem angry? Am I being rude? What do they think of me, or am I enough.
After having these feelings, I would immediately hate myself and feel sick. I have never looked to anyone for validation, so why should I start now. I wish I had realized that — I MATTERED – when I was going through that exchange.
I matter, and that’s all that matters. I don’t have to lower standards or fit into some type of mold. I am unique. What I say MATTERS. What I think MATTERS. How I feel MATTERS. In a world where we are trying to prove that Black Lives Matter (the physical), I had to remind myself that my thoughts, feelings, and voice matter. I don’t have to lower any standards or question who I am. If people around me cannot understand that I matter, it’s good that I understand that I matter, and I can have the strength to walk away.
I hope this encourages someone. YOU MATTER! Before you build a relationship with someone, tell yourself I matter? Before you develop a friendship with someone, tell yourself I matter? Even with family members, tell yourself I matter.
This is not to feel validated. This is simply a simple preventive test; to prevent you from the disease of a broken heart. I genuinely believe that constantly reminding ourselves that we matter will allow us to tap into that inner strength and confidence. This will allow us to avoid those bad relationships that leave us broken and empty. Knowing that we matter helps us understand our value and worth.
Until next time:
Let God’s light shine within and through you!
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