The person who discovers how to heal a broken heart would instantly become a hero. They would win Nobel Prizes, become a billionaire, and get a free trip to Mars. Until this happens, the only way to heal a broken heart is through time. Below, I will outline a few helpful tools to use to make the healing happen a little easier

1.) Don’t deny the heartbreak

If you are like me, you probably ignore the signs of heartbreak. You miss it because: you think you are strong and can handle it; you feel that there is so much suffering in the world that your heartbreak is minimal, or everything around you is going well that you think acknowledging it will falsify that claim.

Please ignore these notions, and let your heart break. Let it shatter into a million pieces. Cry, cry, and cry, and when you think you are all cried out (think again) and cry some more. Sulk and wallow in the pain.

I believe people end up stuck in the stages of grief because they don’t acknowledge the heartbreak initially. They start denying it because they are scared, ashamed, or afraid. Then they have to go through the stages of grief to move forward. If you can skip denial, you may be able to avoid the stages of grief and fast forward directly toward your healing.

2. Truthfully understand what caused your heartbreak

Many times, when we are nursing our broken heart: we look at others, situations, events, and even God to blame our heartbreak. We often don’t look at the person in the mirror and blame them. In many cases, it’s our own fault. We place ourselves in situations that are prone to heartbreak.

We need to start self-examining; this means understanding who we are; what exactly we want; how we could allow these situations to occur; how we are to blame for the heartbreak; and who else was involved in the accident.

In this step, you just need to acknowledge these factors. Don’t move forward with anything else until you have truthfully identified all these factors. This is a detailed process; you may feel it takes a while. This is ok! Healing does not happen overnight.

** Sometimes, there is no one to no one heartbreak; sometimes, life just hits us. In this case, you can quickly identify what caused the heartbreak and spend less time on this step.

 3. Create a plan

If you are like me, you are a planner. However, when heartbreak strikes, throwing those plans out the window is easy. You don’t feel like doing anything. Unfortunately, this is how depression sets in. This is why you need a plan. In fact, I suggest creating two plans. The first plan should be a plan to help you move past the heartbreak. This plan could include chores, exercise routines, writing, reading, or meditation. You want to avoid things that can cause addictions (i.e., shopping and gambling). While you are nursing your broken heart, you have to move forward. This plan will slowly help you return to the “new normal.”

The second plan is long-term. Usually, heartbreaks can throw our life plans off track. You have to begin to craft those long-term goals in the aftermath of the heartbreak. This may not include the people who were in the original plan. You have to plan according to your situation. Please include steps to prevent the items you identified in Step 2 from repeating themselves. A tangible plan will give you something to look forward to and keep you focused, which is essential.

4. Understand that it will get better.

Personally, there were some heartbreaks that I thought would kill me. I did not understand how I would make it through. However, as I write this blog, I look around and stand still here. It is important to remember that it may hurt, but the pain only last a little while. Just as there is night, the day is not too far away. The sun will shine again. It has to; that’s just the way the world works. You will have some heartbreaks, but you will also have joy that sometimes seems overwhelming. You will smile, laugh, love, and have freedom again. Look towards the future and think of all the possibilities.

5. Don’t allow your heart to become stiff and bitter

I have had heartbreaks that hurt so bad that I wasn’t open to the possibilities. I became upset and distant. In fact, it is still hard for me to be open and honest, ultimately, to friends and family. I don’t want to expose myself to being brokenhearted again. I will be sincere and say I have missed out on opportunities and people; this is my hardest step.

The easiest way that I found to master this step is forgiveness. Forgive those who hurt you in the past. Truly forgive them; this means not having resentment or holding onto a grudge. You don’t even have to let the person know that they hurt you. When you forgive, you release the pain. You are no longer held captive. This also means you don’t make others pay for the mistakes of those who hurt you. You need to be open to giving everyone a fair chance. This does not mean you forget what happened (because you want to prevent it from happening again). It simply means you are open to trusting until you are given a reason not to.

These steps will aid you in your healing process!

Until next time:

Let God’s Light shine within and through you!