One of my all-time favorite songs is Real Love by Mary J. Blige. In it, she details her quest for love and describes the genuine love she has been searching for. I completely understand how she felt; as I search for real love. Through the process, I learned some valuable lessons; and gained wisdom on this quest. I want to use this post to share things I learned.

Be what you are searching for!

I always tell my friends, “You must be whole before anyone can love you.” I know people who want to be in love so bad that they rush the process. They are not complete individuals and haven’t discovered their true selves. They are messy and jacked up! The Bible says, “Love is patient, love is kind” You need to master these before you get into a relationship. If you are frustrated and miserable, you can’t expect love that will be patient and love that will be kind. The only love you will receive is love that will be frustrated and miserable. This is why I say be what you are searching for. If you want patient love, learn some patience. If you wish to love that is kind, learn how to be kind to those around you. If you want a relationship that honors and respects you, be honorable and respectful.

Remember, it will be worth the wait.

I have been there! You go on date after date online dating to blind dating and dating out of your comfort zone. You still have those people who find it hard to believe you are single. It’s hard to be open to seeing the possibilities of love; when love hasn’t been kind to you. You get the scrubs, pigeons, and everything in between. It can be straightforward to lose hope. Just remember, it will be worth the wait. I learned a long time ago that there are 7 billion people on this earth. So, in other words, plenty of fish are in the sea. There is someone for everyone. It seems like you are going through hell trying to find love. There is someone out there for you. Every tear, heartbreak, and letdown will all be worth it when you find that person. Continue to date, make your heart accessible, and take chances – you never know what you may find!

Don’t look for perfection; look for possibilities!

I am definitely not telling you to get rid of your standards. Standards are essential and should never be compromised. For instance, when you search for a new car, you expect some things to come standard (i.e., airbags and seatbelts). You will not buy a car if it doesn’t come with the standard package. This is the same when it comes to dating. Some things are non-negotiable, and you shouldn’t have to compromise on those things. However, many other items are not standard and shouldn’t be in our standards. There are things that we can live with, things that evolve and change. For example, in your youth, you shouldn’t concentrate on the type of job a person has. If they are grinding and are ambit, I can guarantee they t have the same position in 10 years. We need to look at the traits and not the features. Treats are temporary (good looks and fun times)! Markers are permanent and who a person is at their core. In dating, we spend so much time looking for perfection: they must be cute, have a good job, want 2.5 kids,  and not be too this or that. When we search for a model, we will be let down every time. Instead, look at the possibilities, and examine how your person treats those around them, how they make you feel, and their plans. The possibilities are endless if they are genuinely good people and are good with growth and change.

Don’t make permanent decisions with temporary people.

 I think every relationship guru has said this. However, it bears repeating because so many people end up trapped. We fall for the treat and get trapped. Sometimes when we fall for a moment, we think we must make this a good feeling because it feels good. Then, we find out that the pleasure was only temporary. A quick fix to hold us over until the next joy came along. We wanted that excellent feeling: we married it, had a baby with it, or jacked up our finances. When that good feeling disappeared, we ended up broken and empty, trying to figure out how it happened. Be sure the person you want those permanent decisions with will stick around when the going gets tough. Life is hard enough; you don’t want people who will make it difficult.

 Don’t lose hope!

I know being vulnerable isn’t easy. It’s difficult to let down your guard when there is a strong possibility of being hurt. However, you must never let your heart turn cold and bitter. It may take some time, but the right person is approaching. In the meantime, enjoy life: laugh, dance, pray, and always be free.

 Until Next Time:

 

Let God’s light shine within and through you!