When I stopped blogging two years ago, I did not realize I would be away for two years. I was going through some challenges. I had a relationship that didn’t work out, lost some key people in my life, was confused about where I wanted to go professionally, was stuck personally, and realized I was super insecure. At the same time, it seemed everyone around me was growing and living extraordinary lives. This was devastating, to say the least. I was angry. I was bitter. I was broken.
I wasn’t angry because I was insecure, wasn’t bitter because life was going on without me, and wasn’t broken because I lost people along the way. I was angry, bitter, and broken because I thought I had worked enough to heal quickly and move on. I thought the medicines of forgiveness, faith, and fortitude would have allowed me to self-correct and overcome it. I have worked hard over the past decade to ensure I was ok. I knew life would continue to be a teacher and throw tests my way, but I thought I could navigate easily if I had the necessary tools.
I was in a rut for a couple of months, and shall I say it … depressed. All the while pretending that I had it all put together. It was a challenging time. I finally got tired of being angry, bitter, and broken. I decided to receive professional help. I started to see a therapist and explore the reason for my feelings (I plan to dive deeper into mental health help in future posts). It was hard work, and I sometimes wanted to quit, but the desire to feel better out-weighted my complacency. So I kept pushing, and I kept going.
As I kept pushing, I noticed that healing worked as long as I was actively healing. Whenever I thought about that relationship that did not work out or that friend who stopped talking to me, I got angry again. Every time I thought about being stuck, I became bitter again. I FELT BROKEN AGAIN whenever I thought about how I wasn’t moving forward. I learned it is not enough to simply heal. I must practice healing daily. The wounds I was experiencing kept reopening, and I had to treat them proactively.
Healing came from much prayer and meditation. Healing came from writing letters to myself and those I felt wronged me. Healing came from continuing to meet with my therapist. Healing came from my self-validation. Healing comes from correcting bad habits and behaviors. Healing came from committing to live a better life. Healing came from the motivation to leave where I was to get where I needed to be.
These acts are things I must practice daily. Every day, I try to heal from the day before. Many days it takes a lot of trial and error. Some days, I don’t want to pray about it. Some days I don’t want to be the bigger person. But I want to stay in the healthy place I’m in, so I force myself to practice all those noble acts and heal.
Until Next Time:
Let God’s Light Shine Within You and Through You!
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