Friendship is an overused word, especially with the advent of social media. We have friends everywhere, but we do not know those people. For example, Facebook friends do not know or understand the intricacies of our life. Friendship is intimacy at its finest, and those relationships often lack it. Sometimes we think of intimacy only in the romantic sense. Intimacy is about the closeness of the connection. Friendship challenges and comforts are beautiful yet bold.
I lack appreciation for the term friend. We label everyone as a friend today. We do not have a close spiritual and emotional connection—intimacy with those individuals. These are more of an acquittance than a friend. Over the past three years, I learned this the hard way, just because someone is a presence in your life does not mean they are present in your life. We often believe those we hang out or chat with regularly are our friends. No, they have a presence in our life. They hold and exert energy in our space. They are not present. They do not understand our purpose, do not validate our experiences, and are not held accountable for their energy.
I have written about friendship before, but as I grow spiritually; and, I come into myself. I learn the authentic power of friendship. I love a good list, so I want to share three lessons I learned. In this work, I will [over] use the term true friendship. I use this term to describe a relationship where you are affirmed and safe and an individual is fully present.
Here we go:
1)Friendships do not always last forever.
I am a person who does not make friends easily. I am direct, cold, and insensitive (at times). These traits do not foster the growth of a friendship. Friendships, for me, are genuine and deeply personal, so when those relationships do not work, it is painful. With growth, I learned that friendships are sometimes divinely purposeful. They help prepare you for your next, to get past a certain point. For example, I think about those friendships from high school and college. They were there to help us get through those turbulent teen years and prepare us for adulthood. After those struggles eras, many of those friendships dissolve. It is OK. They served their purpose.
Sometimes relationships have to end because they stifle our purpose. They may discourage us from following our passion or encourage us to do things that do not align with what God has in store for us. These friendships become stagnant and begin to drag us down. They must find an endpoint, or they will prevent us from reaching our destiny.
I believe there is power in understanding when friendships have reached their end. It took me a long time to understand sometimes they are temporary.
2)Friendships push you out of your comfort level.
In the last point, we discussed how friendships become stifling and stagnant. I encouraged you to end those friendships. Alternatively, true friendship pushes you outside of your comfort level.
Friendships form out of common interests and goal-sharing. When you both share similar positions, you will often have similar ambitions. It allows space for your friends to encourage you or check you when you are not operating at a level of integrity and will push you outside of your comfort.
If you have true friendship fully present in your life, friends will let you know where you lack in your light. Friends will shed light on those areas, those insecurities, where we are not showing up whole and present. They will not expose it to make fun of you or make you feel small, but they will encourage you to grow. Sometimes we do not continuously operate at a level befitting our gifts and talents. We all need a cheerleader to celebrate the parts of us that we see as small and insignificant. In other words, we need people to see something we cannot see for ourselves.
When our friend sees something different in us, we must choose to operate differently. We will tap into insecurities differently, where we thought we were lacking, offering those areas some extra love. When we can give those areas the love and care they deserve, they are strengthened and utilized. We will grow and elevate. Sometimes it is comforting to stay in our insecurities (because it is familiar). Friends will not allow us to stay in those places but will encourage us to heal and operate differently.
3)True friendship restores.
Friendships restore. They can make us whole again. On my journey to healing, I had to learn to trust; I had to learn to forgive, I had to learn to love. I did work on breaking down walls to be able to find peace. Sometimes in healing work, we think it is singular. However, much of what ails us comes from external forces (the people around us). Someone broke our trust. In turn, it is hard for us to trust the next person. How can we genuinely trust again if we do not practice what we learn about ourselves?
Friendships offer us a safe place. We can explore some of the healing we have done on our own. When we trust our friends, we can restore our trust in others. When we love our friend, we practice our love for other people; and practice how we receive love. When we forgive our friend, this allows us the opportunity to practice forgiveness. We can restore our ability to forgive those who have hurt us in the past. We know our friends are there to love and support us. We rebuild the things that we allowed others the power to steal away.
I plan to follow up and discuss how these principles appear in my friendships.
Until Next Time:
Let God’s Light Shine within You and Through You!
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